Got any spare change, Mr?

To the person (or persons) who continue to put foreign coins in as part of their dues on a Wednesday evening,

I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you’re needing money, I don’t have it , but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you put the real money in next week, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you and I will make you open your wallet.

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